


Still Trying

by mordredslullabies



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-04-02 21:52:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4075123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mordredslullabies/pseuds/mordredslullabies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik can't imagine why Charles would want to be with him, after everything he's done. But maybe he's beginning to understand the love the two share for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Still Trying

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first attempt at any kind of Cherik story, so I hope it's not too disappointing. I really love the dynamic between the two of them, and I hope this story does it justice.
> 
> This story can be read as a slight AU. Both are mutants and have their respective powers, but Charles is not paralysed. And the "war" between humans and mutants is over and there's no more reason for the two of them to be at odds with each other.

_Your lips are like poison. An addiction. A battle I’m losing. I’m on a crash course and I can’t stick the landing. I’m drowning._

Little thoughts like these creep into Erik’s thoughts late at night as he’s watching Charles’s lashes flutter in his sleep. Erik sucks on his cigarette, watching the embers glow red in the darkness. He taps the ashes into the tray on the bedside table and just watches Charles sleep. He strokes his naked hip softly, his heart clenching. How did he get so lucky?

It’s a question he asks himself every day. How could anyone love someone like him? He’s done things, awful things. Things he can’t even begin to talk about with anyone. Because he doesn’t let anyone in. But with Charles, he never had to say a word. All he had to do was let Charles into his mind, let the man read this thought, see his memories, the deep recesses of his mind he closes even himself off to. Charles had seen it all. And he’s still here, naked, in his bed. He still wakes up every morning to soft kitten nips and the smell of cinnamon tea. He’s still here. He still loves him. And Erik still can’t wrap his brain around it.

Erik smokes the cigarette until there’s nothing but ash. He listens to the sirens in the night air, closes his eyes to the flickering halo of lights New York City has to offer. Charles wants them to go back to Westchester. Where it’s quieter. More remote. Where they can be alone and revel in each other’s bodies all day long without any interruptions. Erik keeps saying it feels too much like normalcy. Charles always smirks and tells him to take his time. He knows Erik is still working on himself. In accepting happiness. There is no more war, no more people to rebel against. He has to accept peace for what it is. He’s trying.

Erik glances at the clock behind the ashtray and sighs. He can’t sleep again. His mind is too filled with thoughts. He sighs and grabs his pack of cigarettes and his lighter. Then he pulls his clothes on and a pair of shoes and exits their apartment. He makes his way to the rooftop and sits on the edge. He watches the city, the glittering lights of ads and buildings, the cars moving bumper to bumper honking their horns, the people stumbling drunk and laughing loudly, as he chain smokes. He smokes all the cigarettes left but still sits on the edge, feet dangling over the side of the building, as the sun s begins to peak in the distance.

It’s beautiful, he thinks, the first vestiges of a new day. It makes everything seem brand new. It reminds him he’s got his whole life ahead of him, a whole life to live in the arms of the man who loves him like no one else ever will. The fighting is over. Mutants are one with society and there is no place left for his anger, his hate. He doesn’t feel superior anymore, just defeated. Just normal. But he’s trying.

Erik smells the scent of Charles’s soap and feels arms wrap around him. “Hello, darling,” Charles says, playing a soft kiss on the back of Erik’s neck. “Come back to bed.”

“Can’t sleep,” Erik says, craning his neck around to capture his boyfriend’s lips with his own. Charles smiles into the kiss and Erik doesn’t know why he’s so blessed with someone so beautiful.

“How many did you smoke?” Charles asked Erik, his hands stroking Erik’s hair.

Erik shrugged. “The rest of the pack.”

“I thought you were trying to quit.”

“Sorry,” he said.

“You all right?”

Erik turned back around to watch the city. He squinted into the light of the rising sun. Charles’s hands left his middle as the man came to sit next to him, a hand rubbing up and down his back. Charles was always doing that—being tactile. Sometimes the amount of affection Charles showed him scared him. It felt like a sin to let Charles’s hands graze over his limbs, to let his very red mouth trail after. He didn’t know how good and evil could mix so well together without corruption.

“I’m just thinking,” he said.

Erik felt the familiar nudge into his mind and Erik opened it for Charles, letting him in to see his thoughts. He was so very afraid Charles would run away at any given notice, but he couldn’t deny his lover anything. Erik’s mind was his.

Cool fingertips brushed against Erik’s unshaven jaw; his face turned to look into Charles’s eyes. They were so blue. So earnest. Erik sucked in a breath.

“I’m not going to leave you, my love,” Charles said, his eyes never leaving Erik’s. “I’ve never wanted to leave you.”

“Not even when I turned by back on you after you tried to help me?” Erik asked, wincing at the memories, how off course things had once been with them.

“Not even then, Erik. All I’ve ever wanted is to be there for you. You’re never going to scare me away.”

“But I’ve done things,” Erik said. “Killed people. Spent more time a prisoner than I have a free man. I don’t know who I am without a war to fight.”

“You’re Erik Lehnsherr,” Charles said. “Holocaust survivor, master of magnetism, and a good man. With a great, very handsome English boyfriend to keep you in check.” Charles smirked at him. Erik tried to smile back.

“It’s all right, you know,” Charles kept talking, “To not know who you are, not know where you belong. Then fun is discovering it.”

“I know where I belong,” Erik said.

Charles raised an eyebrow.

_I belong wherever you are_ , he says into the other man’s mind.

_Quite right, too._

Erik leans in to kiss Charles’s lips again, lingering there, savouring the moment. He never imagined his life could be this tranquil. This easy with someone else to carry the burden. Not ever.

“I love you,” he breathes into Charles’s mouth and the other man chuckles.

“I love you too,” Charles says back.

They kiss once more before Charles pushes himself off the ground and dusts his hands on his sweatpants. “Come on,” he says, holding a hand out to help Erik up. “Let’s go get breakfast. I’m thinking pastries and coffee, yeah?”

Erik nods. “Okay.”

Charles leads him by the land and Erik opens up the doors with his mind until they’re back in their apartment, putting on actual clothes and making their way into the city to their favourite little café. Erik watches him over coffee and pastries, listens to Charles talk about the latest scientific development, watches the way his hands move as he talks, how his eyes light up. Erik’s smitten. Erik’s more than smitten. Every time he looks at Charles he’s struck by how this beautiful man is his. How he gets to keep him forever.

Erik still can’t imagine why Charles would ever want to be with someone like him. But maybe he’s beginning to understand how Charles feels. If he feels anything close to the amount of love and affection Erik hold for him, even a tiny fraction, then Erik can maybe understand why Charles doesn’t leave. Why it’s too painful to be apart. After everything they’ve been through, they deserve their happy ending together.

Erik still isn’t there, still isn’t fully ready to accept an entire life of happiness. But he’s trying. He’s still trying. And if he gets to be with Charles forever, gets to look at this beautiful angel for the rest of his life, gets to wake up with this man in his arms, then he knows everything will be okay eventually. He’ll get there.


End file.
